apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
