Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
