I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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