I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
