I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
