you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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