discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
