Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
