Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
