I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
