I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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