yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
