You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
