I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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