hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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