It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
