I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
