Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Randomize
