there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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