That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
