no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
