i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
