I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
