I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
