I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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