When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She's the barista slut.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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