he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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