i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
