I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
