Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
