he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
