I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
