dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
