You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
