There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
