The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
