you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
