have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
