I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
