Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Who wears a wallet chain?!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
