My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
