My entire life is one complicated drinking game
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
