pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
