He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
