I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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