At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
