I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
