Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
