my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
