Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
