I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
