Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
