At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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