i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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