watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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