nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
