hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
