I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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