Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
