if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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