Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
