physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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