Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
