If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
