the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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