Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
