i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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