drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
