i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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