you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
